i became one those people that write melancholic shit for others

its been a while now
sorry i have been busy
got lost in my own mind

-

x
the disbelief
then the sadness that hits you when the doors close
the anger that enters when the lights go
the life that leave you as you wake the morning after
Stumbling through the day unbothered by the stares and variations of triangulating vibes
You forgot your face at home.
x
getting over it
sending your best wishes
earnest prayer masking desperation
you hope for God's will to be done
the brief moments of spite
You locked up your heart
but only from one
because it was only open
to close to none
The liberation after
Forgetting.
the nonchalance
the happiness
the numbness
irrelevant
relevant
slightly maybe
not too sure
Then theres the remembering.
Randomly it hits you at 4 in the am while you are crying over something else and you remembered
what you lost most.
Never again.
It hurt
But you wouldn't give it a second chance if you could.
But theres no hate either
just a chance at moving on
one you're giving yourself
moving on in a different direction
Away.
And then theres normal life
as normal as a mentally unstable, highly volatile and emotionally inapt individual can have
and you remember again
and the anger is gone
and the happiness you had wished for others
you wished for yourself instead

and maybe you'll give a second chance
if it was ever yours to give
if it was ever mine to have

------------------------------

x
i have been spiralling lately
most of my thoughts have been revolving around my own issues as of late
but i wrote this one down
and i write about it too often
and its not supposed to be relevant to my life anymore
and i thought i forgot but i guess not

-
replaced and changed some stuff cuz some things are not worth remembering - 26.9.16