It's 2:58AM and I'm still on tumblr

so much for going to bed earlier this time round lol
adding music to my tumblr was not a good idea

anyways i stumbled upon a comment i made on a post.

and I'm not against education or anything, but i do think that it shouldn't be the only way, and the system is kinda messed up.

so here were my comments i guess

People who do well in school have problems too, all my friends that flunk out and stuff just laugh and dismiss my attempts at trying to explain, that I. Can’t do it all. If I’m doing this right it means ive invested a lot of energy into this, so much that everything else is neglected, so much that I’m internally going crazy but I’m too tired from all this school shit to have the energy to deal with. And yes, sometimes I’m so tired I want to die. They don’t understand that when I lock myself in the study that I’m not studying I’m crying, Cuz each time I try to read a sentence I get anxiety attacks and the Devils in my head tell me I can’t do it and me telling myself that i can, leads to more crying Cuz it’s overkill and I feel helpless and I just want to die so this will all end. I smile and laugh and trust me I’m not faking it, but when I’m no longer with company and left with my own thoughts and responsibilities it’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.

Thank goodness I'm no longer in that dark place, but well.. that was during my diploma and my uni just begun, so idk if this is gonna repeat itself, and i know that everyone is on summer vacation right now or some holiday (or maybe ur stuck in sch like me) i wish i can tell you that there isn't another way, because then you can just vent. But there are other ways, though they don't provide as much security, but honestly, i don't think this path is for everyone (if anyone). If you have something you really believe in, and YOU CAN COMMIT, and the circumstances are favourable then i say go for it. i don't understand why we have to fit into a societal norm of education. It is safer in certain aspects, but i no longer know how credible these certificates are, you're just jamming shit into your head to cram for an exam that you won't remember when you actually start gaining experience through actual work. So i mean, more often than not people won't have the resources, guts, support etc. to venture out and try something else, but if you do and you want to, good for you. but obviously its not an easy way out, it will require the same amount of handwork, but at least, hopefully it will be a more productive and conducive effort of your time and resources. we have to stop doing things for the sake of doing them.