there was a door
i went in
a darkly lit hallway
uncertainty ascending
stairs creaking
stepping on glass
a siren's song
luring bait
a dim room
a dark room
mirage to dust
shut doors
no light
once melody
crescendoing laughter
snarls i heard
growls i heard
shouts agonizing
stabs self induced
pulling
tugging
tearing at my skin
trapped
hell raised
locked room
no key
a light
not bright
peaking under the door
behind the door
locked room
no key
no exit
no
constant anticipation
of the demons that haunt me
a game that fed
my desolation
insanity driven
basking in the comforts
of the darkness that is my home
the screams
my lullaby
the tears
my mid night oil
the light
a constant reminder
the constant light
jaded
adjusted perceptions
what light
i don't remember
but He calmed my heart
and silenced the ghosts
prompted me to open the door
its locked i said
its locked and i can't get out
i want to but i can't
but i can't
i can't
retreating into the corner
roughed edges
bruised arms
i remembered the fleeting moment
my mind was quiet
my soul was sound
slowly i creeped
inching closer
crawling further
blind eyed
in the dark
His voice
my guide
shards of glass sinking in
but the lure was too deep
we'd have conversations
and sometimes
His voice would drown theirs out
patiently He waited
whether i listened to Him or not
louder they shrieked
harder they pulled
but in the confusion
i seek His voice
soft but strong
whispering into my ear
the wounds i hid
He ripped wide open
the pain of yesterday
relieved again
gently He tended
to the wounds as i teared
slowly but surely
He filled my heart
with promises and purpose
with wisdom and meaning
and now i sit
back against the door
behind i know
there is a great light
i'll stay and fix
the broken flashlight if there is one
if not
i'll make one from the spare pieces
of my enemies weaknesses
i'll emanate that great light
it'll dissipate across the room
He'll tell me what to do
He'll give me the directions
but for now i'll collect the spare pieces
come face to face with my demons
i'll tremble in my shoes
and cry in my sleep
but each time i'll remember
the purpose propelling me
and i'll remember to show my wounds
so He can tend them daily
we'll have late night conversations
He'll give me rest then
wipe my tears
tuck me in
and envelop me
with a hug
goodnight kisses
i'll sleep soundly because i know
the wolves are close
but he stands guard
he stands closer
no longer does this peace elude me
no longer do i fear the dark.
--------------------------------------------
this was inspired from i guess yesterday's sermon since its 2:40am lol
have you ever
been so at peace
and happy
that you feel like crying?
cuz
in that moment
in the chaos
in the desolation
in the confusion
darkness
storm
emptiness
you found peace
hope
direction
light
character
meaning
or it found you
but you
you chose to accept it
you allowed it to touch you
walked out of the dark room
felt the sunlight warm your heart
it was there all along
everything
the thorns
but also the roses
but you know what makes it so beautiful
and wonderfully amazing
pricking your fingers
to get to the rose
choosing to be happy
when everything turns against you
and its so beautiful because
its absurd
so stupid
so pointless
so insane
unthinkable
but then you did it
and you're just like
wtf
but you're happy
but it doesn't make sense
it shouldn't
but it does
and thats just pretty amazing
accomplishing an impossible feat like that
choosing to dwell in the peace
against all logical notion of uncertainty that awaits
thank you
crying because it couldn't be done
crying because it was done
obviously its a daily thing
and i'll have to go through it all over again
but it was nice while it lasted
and nice knowing
it could be done
