There is so much more to life then whatever i am working towards
there are people out there
misunderstood
beautiful but lost
and i want to help them
i want them to be found
i want to do things with my life
that makes a difference
a good one
i want to indulge
in cultural experiences
to be raw
with the earth
to scream at it in frustration
in a foreign land whilst stuck
confused
misunderstood
because the natives don't understand me
i want to find myself through experiences such as those
but I'm just a teenager
staring at a screen
words that are but dreams
that have not come to past
typing away on her keyboard
willing it to happen
with the surge of her heartbeat
and breath
but nothing else
i am here
wondering
why
why can't i go out there
God
why
why am i here
studying for my degree
that i don't see myself investing in after I'm done with it
i do it for my parents
my grand parents
society
expectations
their security
mental
security
but
here now
there is a time for everything
and as mediocre as this life is
i can't deny
the little joys i find in the crevices of my mundane existence
no,
i don't live for those
those just help me get by
as i ponder
on the meaning to me
being
here
at a time such as this
because child,
there is meaning behind everything
whether you see it or not
everything is interwoven
connected
linked
what faint strings of fate that tie us with the people
we walk by in the subway that do not even register in our conscience
or that girl in your class you see every week
or that boy that used to be in your class that you occasionally see from time to time
there is a reason to the juxtaposition of people
places
things
ideas
approximate to you
we may not see it
we may never
but until i find myself in the most mundane of places
i won't find myself in these grand adventures i yearn for.
so i guess i'll be ok with what is my life
now
and just be
until it changes yet again
that is the one thing i can rely on
it never fails to change with the seasons.
---------------------------------------------------
Free flow just thinking on paper.. hais, i can't be the only one that think this way. either ways, my life was always pretty hectic i guess, I'm a Third Culture Kid, TCK for short, Singaporean that moved to China and i basically studied there from the fourth grade till the end of my Sophomore year in an international school with a bunch of people just like me, i would never give up that experience for anything in my life. It was simply put, quite amazing, they were literally my family. Everyone was similar just relying on the fact that we were all TCKs, it was a small school, i think there was less than 100 people in high school hahahaha and when i was in middle school there were probably also less than 100 people. And there is only one class for each grade so you grow really close with your class mates, even the ones i don't talk to i treat as my family, just those siblings you never talk to lol. So yep, that had nothing to do with my blog above but lol. Now you know a little more about me. My school wasn't very stringent on education, i heard its the best in comparison with the other international schools in our city, Chengdu, but i remembered it being very chill, interactive. Always looked forward to spring trips where you and your class go to neighbouring cities for like a week, it was awesome, not academic at all, spiritual, bonding, it was a Christian school. And we had like sleepovers in school and stuff it was pretty rad, okay now I'm ranting, lol, bye.
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